The Power of Feeling Seen.
Isn’t it weird how some memories become permanently etched in our brains, and others float off into the abyss, never to be seen or heard from again? Sometimes, on a random Tuesday, I find myself nerdily wondering what causes certain memories to stand out so much more than others. Why are some written in permanent marker, while others are written with a shitty old pencil that has been sharpened down to the nub? Well, I’m a writer and not a neurologist, so let’s just go with the fact that some memories just stick with you forever. Take this memory, for instance: I’ll never forget my favorite birthday party when I was a kid. I was in 4th grade and had my closest friends over for a pizza party and sleepover. Picture circa 1990 perms, scrunchies, a handful of movies we rented from Blockbuster Video, and a rainbow array of vintage slap bracelets that made all of my friends jealous. We piled into our basement, laid out our sleeping bags, bonded over a game of “Girl Talk,” and ate endless bouts of Cheetos from a big-ass yellow Tupperware bowl (yes - the same bowl that doubled as a puke bucket). We gossiped about our crushes, wrote notes in our Lisa Frank spiral notebooks, and worked on our sweet gymnastics moves. The night ended with trying out the ol’ “hand in a bucket of warm water” trick to see if anyone would pee their pants. (Ok, looking back, that was a dick move, but we were in 4th grade, and 4th graders can be dicks. Sorry, I said it.) This was a core memory. I can still remember it plain as day. The colors, the smells, the way our furniture was arranged, the friends in attendance, the gifts, and the way it felt to be seen, understood, and loved on my special day.Now, I don’t know that I’ve thought about that core memory for a very long time, but a few weeks ago, as I was coming up on my 42nd birthday, it hit me out of nowhere as I skewered the aisles of Target, randomly coming across a colorful endcap display of Cheetos. I suddenly found myself daydreaming as I took a walk down memory lane, creepily smiling to myself as I sifted through a movie reel of happiness that I felt on that day. It put a little extra pep in my step, and instead of having the same mundane thoughts about birthdays as I have in the past few years, for a moment, I felt gitty about my impending day of birth that would arrive in a few short days.Well, I gotta be honest with you…the day came, and it was kinda lackluster. My wonderful hubby made me breakfast, picked up my favorite coffee, went to lunch together, brought flowers, and honestly was so freaking incredible. Beautiful gestures that made me feel celebrated. But it didn’t quite live up to the vision of my 4th-grade birthday. And honestly, why would it? It was asinine of me to believe that a 9-year-old’s birthday party would have anything in common with a 42nd. And when it didn’t quite go as I anticipated, I ended up sitting alone in my car for 20 minutes, crying my eyes out, longing for a time travel machine that could take me back to the way it felt when I turned nine. As the day came to a close and my head hit the pillow, I thought to myself, “It’s just a day, Amy.” I fell asleep thanking God for all the good in my life, kicking myself for being so ridiculous, and setting some unimportant and unattainable standard for what I thought the day of turning 42 would look like.The following day, as I hurriedly packed snacks, water bottles, and athletic gear for my kids' football game and dance practices, I was so glad that the day was behind me and looked forward to moving on to more important things.
As I arrived at my son’s football game, a friend ran up to me, holding a small blue envelope with my name on it. She joked about it being a silly little birthday gift, but as I carefully lifted the tape and peeked inside, her simple but powerful gesture the day after my birthday brought me to tears. As I pulled out two stickers from the tiny blue envelope and held them in my hands, I clenched my chest as their messages shot straight to my heart.
Words are so powerful.
They can tear people down or lift people up on any given day, and not only in the form of the typical “happy birthday” well wishes that one receives on their special day each year. My reaction wasn't because it was some extravagant gift that cost hundreds of dollars but because the meaning behind it made me feel so SEEN, UNDERSTOOD, and LOVED. And at the end of the day, isn’t that what we all want to feel in this world? To surround ourselves with good people who remind us even on the toughest of days that they still see our worth and sparkle and that our presence in the world is celebrated not just for a day but on all the other days in between. To know that our mere existence spreads love, inspires others to show up in the world as exactly who they are, and that we exude a palatable shimmer of humanity is everything to me. It’s who I am at the depths of my soul. When she selflessly handed me this gift, I felt so many of the feelings that were reminiscent of the year I turned nine. I’m sure I won’t think about this moment every minute of the day as life continues to unfold, but I will unquestionably remember this memory that will be etched in my heart for the rest of my life. Birthdays will always be a day to celebrate the day of our birth, but this birthday taught me something far more powerful. We all get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, moving swiftly from one thing to another, and quite frankly, we can miss a lot of shit if we're living life unconsciously. We miss seeing things we're meant to see. We miss understanding stuff we're meant to understand. And we miss opportunities to love our people out loud. Now, I'm no martyr - I miss shit all the time, but I took this gift as a loud and powerful reminder of how impactful words can feel when someone feels SEEN. We all deserve to feel seen in this world. So, if you see someone...I mean, truly SEE someone...their heart, their soul, their impact, their gifts, or their importance in your life; please tell them. Your words may not only inspire someone to keep chasing their dreams and feel less alone, knowing there are people in the world who truly "get" them, but you also hold the power to create a memory that will be etched in someone's heart for eternity.{A very humble and heartfelt thank you from this sappy word nerd to my friend Jill…this gift meant more to me than you will ever know. Thank you for seeing me, for being such a fierce supporter, and for being such a bright light in my world.}
