“Look For The Helpers”
Choo-choo! My heart nearly escaped my body with giddy excitement as I waited for the little red trolley to appear from around the bend. I gleefully watched as he opened the front door, happily put each arm through his fuzzy sweater, and tied up his white-laced sneakers, singing the words to “Won’t You Be My Neighbor.” Fred Rogers, the main character of Mister Rogers Neighborhood, one of my favorite shows as a child, was a gentle spirit with a calming voice that instantly put me at ease. His beautiful messages about love, learning, empathy, acceptance, and the power of community inspired me. He had an uncanny ability to connect so effortlessly with people - making everyone feel seen and valued while reminding us that we have so much to learn from one another.
Fred was born in Latrobe, Pennsylvania, in 1928, the son of Fred McFeely and Nancy McFeely Rogers. {Backstory history context: the Great Depression began in 1929, and World War II lasted from 1939 until 1945. It was, by all accounts, a tumultuous time to be alive.} He remained an only child until his family adopted his sister, Elaine, when Fred was 11 years old. His father worked as President of the family brick manufacturing business, among many local endeavors, and his mother knitted sweaters for American soldiers from western Pennsylvania who were fighting in Europe and regularly volunteered at the Latrobe Hospital. His family was well off, making more than enough to live a comfortable life, and by all outsider accounts, Fred looked to have it all. But inside, Fred felt wildly different than his peers. He was shy and introverted, suffering from a severe case of asthma that often prevented him from going outside to play, which, in turn, affected his ability to make and maintain friendships. The bullying he endured only exacerbated his feelings of loneliness and isolation. Spending much of his time alone in his room, Fred created a colorful world of entertainment with his piano, puppets, stuffed animals, and a ventriloquist dummy. He was also a healer and a feeler, which didn’t fare well with the cultural and societal norms of emotions in the 20th century. In an era when males talking about feelings was considered “weak” and “taboo,” Fred held space for all emotions in his make-believe world, which laid a foundation for bringing taboo subjects to the forefront later in his career.
As Fred grew up, he became an accomplished student, earning multiple college degrees in Music Composition and Theology, and upon graduation, he planned to enter Seminary. That all changed when, in 1951, a trip home to see his family changed his trajectory. As he entered his family’s living room, there sat a brand new slice of modern technology—a television. He instinctively understood the power of this new technology and that it illuminated a path of service to the world through this medium. From that moment on, Fred committed his life to making television programs for the very young. He saw this as an opportunity to use his gifts to do good in the world and live a life of service to others. He often said that if he were giving his honest self, the viewer would hear it in a way that could be helpful.
“The space between the television screen and whoever happens to be receiving it…I consider that holy ground.”
Fred understood his gifts, and he spent his life learning how to use them for good. Believing those unique gifts, paired with the gifts of those he surrounded himself with, could help change the world, he jumped at the opportunity to fill his television series with diversity - diversity of sex, race, and thought. Among his many passions was a drive to shine a light on everyday Americans and the hard-working people behind factory machines, showing how food and goods are made. From trumpets and bagels to crayons and macaroni, I was captivated as I watched thrilling versions of behind-the-scenes video clips that exhibited each step of the manufacturing process. His messages were clear: machines don’t work without the laborers behind them, and it doesn’t matter what you do for work - everyone’s job is important to our collective success.
Now, I’m sure there came an age when it was no longer “cool” to watch Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, and I can’t tell you when I watched the last episode in my youth, but I can still remember his impactful words of wisdom to this day. While Fred was a college graduate, received the oober prestigious Presidential Medal of Freedom, and was a gifted public speaker among many other talents, they were not his driving force. His driving force was humanity. I think that’s where I feel the most connected to Fred’s impact on the world. We share that driving force. His view of humanity and the world weaved so profoundly into the fabric of my heart that it continues to stay tucked delicately in the front of my mind with every step I take.
When life hits the fan, I often search for words of wisdom from people who have made a significant impact in our world as a way to ground myself and reset. The world has felt extra heavy in recent months, and I’ve been struggling to make sense of it all. I’ve had bouts of sadness, anger, and frustration and felt the weight of the world on my shoulders as I’ve watched the last few months unfold. I’ve spent days doom scrolling social media and various media outlets in an effort to stay informed so I can be prepared for anything that comes our way. As someone who has witnessed the worst-case scenario with my own two eyes more times than I care to admit and also lives with anxiety and depression, preparing for the worst-case scenario has become engrained in me.
Sometimes, when I wallow in this weight, I feel so alone. I wonder if I’m the only one in the world who feels this way, often doing a gut check to determine if I’m just crazy or if my feelings are merited while I sit alone on a seemingly deserted island. I began writing this blog in early January and knew I was going to write it about Fred Rogers, but the words weren’t quite coming together. Random paragraphs and muddled thoughts covered the page, and as I often do, I decided to let it sit until the right words came to find me. And just a few short weeks ago, as the heaviness of the world just about swallowed me whole, a chance conversation with two really incredible community members turned on a lightbulb that seemingly morphed the quicksand under my feet into a semblance of solid ground. As we were chatting, I diverted my eyes from the conversation for a split second, and a picture stared back at me. I knew the print well and had seen it before in that very office, but the impact of its meaning came with the most impeccable timing. BOOM. As I took in its profound meaning, I clutched my chest, smiled, and shivered as the hair on my arms stood up with the force of a negative 30-degree day. Because with this picture came a quote that reappeared in my mind…
“When I was a boy, and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’”
The photo depicts an episode of Mister Rogers Neighborhood that aired in 1969, in which Officer Clemmons, a police officer on the show, share a small pool to cool their feet together. It’s a beautiful photo for a plethora of reasons, but the deeper meaning behind it is just another reason I find so much joy and humanity within it. Though the Civil Rights Act of 1964 had been signed into law years prior to the episode’s airing, Black citizens were still not embraced as equals in many parts of public life. Fred invited Officer Clemmons to join him because pools were a setting that segregation still had clutched in its grips. So, with a heart for humanity and a profound duty for equality, Fred used his platform to take a very public and powerful stand against racism - he used his gifts to be a helper.
In times of uncertainty and unrest, all humans run the gamut of reactions, actions, and inactions. Some people know exactly what to do in moments of tyranny and turmoil, and others hide under the blankets in a complacent state of paralysis. We’re all driven by our inner workings, thoughts, beliefs, feelings, genetic makeup, experiences, and personal biases, which play a large part in how we react to the challenges we encounter. While there are obvious differences between the history of this particular timeframe and today’s present world, many of the themes of division are unfortunately still present today.
“Look for the helpers” - a simple phrase with an enormous impact. We, the healers, the feelers, and those with a heart for humanity currently feel like we’re riding a one-way ticket on the struggle bus while simultaneously watching the worst possible horror movie on a loop. It’s heavy. I honestly don’t know how to be human right now, but I’ve learned a lot about myself after attending weekly therapy for over five years now, and I’ve allowed myself to sit with it all to process what I can on both an unhealthy and healthy level (see above for referenced anxiety spiral). I’m lacing up my white-laced sneakers and throwing on my favorite Doiley sweater, ready to take a step forward. I have to take a step. It might be the tiniest baby step or a giant leap that rips a hole in my pants, exposing my last pair of clean underpants (you know which ones I’m referring to here) and making me wish I’d splurged for the reinforced yoga pants. (Budgets are hard😬) This is where I’ve chosen to start. When we find ourselves spiraling out of control in a sea of anxiety, fear, and uncertainty, we can at least start by looking for some semblance of light amidst the dark.
You ready?
I certainly don’t have all the answers, but here are a few ideas I’ve sifted through in case they’re helpful to you. (and if you have ideas to share, I’d love for you to leave a comment below in hopes that it will help someone else.)
We find people who share similar values, morals, and beliefs.
We immerse ourselves with other humans, groups, and organizations who see us, understand us, know our hearts, and want to fight for the same things we care deeply about.
We go to therapy, drink water, pray, meditate, take our vitamins, get fresh air, exercise, ask for extra hugs, get enough sleep, listen to music, or do anything else that lights our souls on fire and brings a sense of tranquility.
We talk to each other. We hold space for the fears and the what-ifs, and we open our doors, even when the house is messy AF, and all we have to offer is expired milk and a half-eaten granola bar.
We take inventory of our communities, our neighbors, our leaders, and our resources, and we reassess and reorganize.
We compile a list of things we can create with our boundaries and limits in mind, and we do what we can to impact the world with our unique gifts.
And if any of this sounds too big to wrap your head around, that's ok, too. Part of being human is the fact that we’re not meant to carry the weight of the world on our own - that’s why we have each other. So, if your spark has been lost, your light turned off, and your sunshine went to hell in a handbag, draw whatever inspiration you need from the helpers until you are able to refuel your own fire. Because here’s the alternative: when we are paralyzed with fear and anger for long periods, nothing gets done - not laundry, not work, not to-do lists, not change, not volunteer opportunities, not self-care, not connections, not learning, not helping ourselves or anyone else - only the paralyzation that makes us sit stagnant.
“Worrying does not fix problems; it exacerbates them. And no amount of worrying will change the outcome of any given situation. ”
The one caveat to this excellent advice is the fact that we are not robots. When life becomes too much, we have to rest. Sometimes, hiding under the blankets with a bag of Cheetos while binge-watching episodes of Jersey Shore is vital to survival (this was me last week, and damn, I missed that show - “Cabs are here!”). If that’s you right now, that’s ok. Do what you need to do to weather the storm and care for yourself. Just don’t let yourself stay there for too long. The world is waiting for us - it’s waiting for the helpers. And we’ve got important work to do.
Fred Rogers’ radical kindness helped bring sanity and comfort to our nation during a time of division, seemingly making us all feel a little safer.💜
